he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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