i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
