Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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