This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
