Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
