Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
