Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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