I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
