apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
be right there i have to get my cape
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
