Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
