oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
