Screwed.edu
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
