Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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