I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
