Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
