Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
