It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
It's never too late to be topless.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
