I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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