if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Help. Why am I so naked?
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