There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
