I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
