look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
