just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize