Apparently you make a good broom.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
They are going to name an STD after you.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
