There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize
