You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
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