As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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