one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
