Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
