My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Floor bacon is actually really good
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
