When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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