woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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