Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
