I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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