i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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