Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
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