im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Randomize
