How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
