I love having hate sex.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
