sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
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I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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