Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I want a musical about memes.
Randomize
