if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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