i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize