I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
