Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
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