I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
