So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize