I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
