I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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