All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
