I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
