She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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