Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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