So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
