my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
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