It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
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I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
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I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
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