The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
did i walk over a car last night?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
