A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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