Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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