and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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