He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Randomize