Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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