what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
