i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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