he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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