just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
