That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
