last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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