this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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