I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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