dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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