Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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