Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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