Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Oh god it's open bar.
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